Poem: Everything, and Then Some

[hyperfocused.livejournal.com]

Title: Everything, and Then Some
Author: Hyperfocused
Fandom: Stargate: Atlantis
Pairing: McKay/Sheppard
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1000 words exactly
Summary: Rodney has much too much time to think.
A/N: So, for last year's Amnesty on sga_flashfic, I wrote Everything, which was Haiku for each of sga_flashfic's challenges thus far. This year, I toyed with doing the same thing, but couldn't decide between writing haiku for all the subjects, or just the ones new this year. Inspired by my assigned photo for Picfor1000, I ultimately decided on something different: one (long!) poem that uses all of the subjects in alphabetical order. Please forgive the indulgence, killing two birds with one stone (wall), as you'll see in my photo. Challenge titles are in bold.



38 Minutes, Rodney's favorite and least appreciated
not quite random amount of time
is 2, 279 seconds longer than he needs
to imagine
7 Deadly Sins he would gladly commit for John.
If it would help him avoid Abandonment.
With every Pegasus Princess, or Priestess
He gives John amnesty, reminds himself it was Ancient History,
John's last time with a woman,
and John's his now.
Tamp down his Animal instinct
to leave marks with sharp words
or the press of clipped-short nails.

Sometimes it's enough to play
Animal Vegetable and Mineral
or Prime not Prime.
A backstory of games could lead
to (hopefully not) Bad Sex
If John doesn't punch him Bloody.
Rodney hopes to hell he won't.

He's loved John through Body Modification
(a metamorphosis worse than Kafka imagined,
something John might read next,
if he ever finishes his first Russian novel.)

He's loved John when each or both
were burning up with fever
meeting (possibly un)friendly natives
with Cake or Death
barely avoided. (Sometimes the cake isdeath.
City Exploration can be a risky business,)

Comfort is sure to follow later,
when the Criminal is apprehended,
or the Culture Clash over.
When his or John's or Ronon or Teyla's bruised arm
is no longer Dangling from a cold stone wall,
or worse, a slimy Wraith construction.
The anticipation is -- almost-- worth it.

It's weird, but Rodney likes
that they both have a Dark Side
and know how to lift it from each other.
and can lie together on sleepless nights
with the Darkness no longer a foe.

Dating the Colonel has its perks, like
Debriefing in a hurry to get to the de'brief'ing
(they can both laugh at stupid puns,
though of course Rodney's are much more clever)
Documentation would prove this,
if anyone truly read John's reports.

If a Doppelganger ever did replace John
(outside of dreams or nightmares)
Rodney wouldn't need ESP.
He'd just kick the imposter Earthside (or elsewhere)
or lock him in one of Atlantis's Enclosed Spaces
until Exhaustion hit, and the fake John gave up.
Rodney's not above fucking freezing his competition out.

Atlantis can be more freakshow than Fairy Tale,
but John, and his team are the kind of Family
Rodney never knew he needed,
and relies on how
in Fight or Flight and the inevitable
First Aid.

First Contact with John,
that First Night when Major Sheppard
lit the chair, and powered Rodney's dreams,
just added Five Things, or a million
he didn't dare admit he felt.

Folklore and Superstitions have nothing
on the Gods and Monsters and Halloween Hell
of life in the Pegasus Galaxy,
But learning John wants him, too
is right out of a Harlequin.

Rodney takes John to Canada,
where he reads Madison Kidfic
and refuses to be Left Behind
in any silly game a six year old might play.
Masks and Masquerades bring a lightness to John's eyes (through the slits)
that leading so many Men and Machines,
searching for Missing Persons
and the necessarily carefully-worded Mission Reports
that follow, take away.

When things go well,
so rare that Rodney thinks
he Must Be Dreaming,
and John laughs "Har har har,
we're Not Dead Yet,"
just before he kisses Rodney.
Rodney becomes sure this is Not Happening.
He's going to wake up in school in his underwear
or turned into a robot, or otherwise Not Human,
because his life has never been this good,
so why should it start now?

Eventually, Rodney realizes,
despite the Johnny Cash poster,
or Evel Kneivel,
that John's most Personal Item
is his heart.

It's revealed slowly, though missions and games and Phone Calls
when they're stuck on Earth.
It makes Rodney want to Post Secret 'I love you' messages
on Atlantis's Intranet. (typed in code unbreakable by anyone but John)
but he hits delete on his keyboard before he can press the return key.

Usually, John's the one who comes running,
and Rodney's the one in physical trouble,
but sometimes there's a Role Reversal
and Rodney ends up with the Scars
for rescuing John.
He never learned these skills in School,
but instead through trial and too much error.
Every Search and Seizure taught him
what not to do, and why.

If he proves to br lucky enough
to be granted a Second Verse,
a second chance, another second with John by his side,
he won't need a Secret Superpower
He won't be tempted by Sex Drugs and Rock&Roll
He won't fear Sharks or Sickness
or even flirtatious semi-Ancients in flowing Skirts.

Through every experience
(even those stranger than Sci-Fi 's pulpiest slave-fic)
John's feelings never change.

It's the same old Song and Dance.
Typical Stories About Buildings and Food
or Strange New Worlds and Alien Geographies
never seem to phase him.
"I'm still Stuck On You," John tells him.

The reality of this,
unlikely as it sounds,
feels nearly Supernatural
something maybe Teyla would dream,
and retell them all as a story,
fraught with hidden meaning.

Rodney's happiness with John
is an unexpected thrill.
He'd sooner imagine life in another galaxy,
except that turned real, too.

It's like Swimming for miles without fear of drowning
like always being picked first for a team.
Loving John, and being loved back
feels like a Vacation that doesn't end in horror and drunken recrimination.
No Villains, or sunburn, no screaming brats can touch them
Virgin Airlines or borrowed Puddlejumper,
it all says 'love' to Rodney.

Yes, 38 minutes is way too long to think
of death and sin and how they've come too close to both.
He longs for such a break now,
an escape from his fears.
Watching Carson revive John feels too intimate
like a sick kind of Voyeurism,
different than just sitting bedside,
after the horror is over.
There are too damn many Ways To Die.
even more than they've managed to barely avoid thus far,
and the thought of any one of them
truly happening to anyone he loves,
(happening to John, that is,)
leaves Rodney Wordless.